Faith, Multiple Sclerosis, Not Today MS, Uncategorized

What if?

what if 2

What if the MRI shows new lesions?

What if this fatigue and tingling I’m feeling is the beginning of another exacerbation?

What if we can’t afford the copay?

What if the fridge goes out?

What if that noise was the HVAC going out?

What if I’m not thinking about all the many possibilities for what could go wrong?

What if one of my children gets MS?

Do the what ifs keep you awake at night and rob you of sleep and peace? Me too. Not all the time, but sometimes. Like last night at 12:00 am, I found myself wide-awake, listing off all the possible what ifs in my head trying to determine my action plan for each one. Sometimes I think if I can just come up with my answer for each one, then I can let my mind rest. Suddenly I stopped. It was almost as if I could picture God looking down on me, holding back a giggle.

Have you ever walked in on your child trying to do something they have no business trying to do on their own?  My son always thought he was stronger than he was. When he was very little, I remember him trying to help me move or lift things that weighed almost as much as he did! He wanted to be helpful, but it was comical to try to watch him move those large items on his own. In the end, we would jump in and let him “help” us accomplish the task, knowing full well that we were the ones carrying the load.

Last night in my what if action plan session, it was like God was standing over me with that same grin I used to have watching my son. Here I was trying to fix problems that haven’t even happened yet and may never happen. He reminded me that He is carrying the load. I just need to be still, trust, and obey.

Psalm 46:10 says, “…’Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.'”

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “…we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

I stopped trying to find an answer for every potential problem. Instead, I began taking my thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ. I trusted that God has the BEST plan for me and will make all things work for my good (Romans 8:28) and I was still and let my mind rest in a beautiful place of worship. I fell right to sleep and didn’t wake up again until my alarm went off :).

Friends, I get it. Some nights sleep seems buried under a mountain of fears and anxieties. Right now, let’s say this prayer together for a peaceful night’s sleep:

Father God, thank you. Thank you for letting us come to you with the big and the little things. Thank you for loving us when we forget to seek you first. Lord, wash us with your perfect peace tonight. Help us to be still and KNOW that you are our God. Help us to trust You and Your perfect plan for us, even when things don’t make sense to us. Help us to submit to Your will. Lord, help us to take captive every single thought in our heads and make it obedient to You. Your ways are higher than our ways. We love you, Father. Give us sweet, sweet sleep tonight. In Jesus name, Amen.

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