My annual MRI is coming up in less than two weeks. March 1st. March is my MRI month and it’s basically ruined the month for me indefinitely. This will be my 5th MRI. I would like to tell you it’s become no big deal… that I don’t cry like a baby leading up to the day and begin dreading it in January, but that would be a bold-faced lie.
The truth is I’m terrified. Terrified of 30 minutes to an hour in the tube. Terrified of picking up my report. Terrified of reading the report. Terrified of my doctor reading my report. Terrified of my blood work that I have to have done soon to check my WBCs and liver enzymes. Terrified of my neurologist check up and other upcoming check ups. To say I’ve been blessed and lucky with my form and snail-paced progress of MS is an understatement. I’ve had very good MRIs since my initial ones and my blood work has shown my medicine is doing its job and not causing too much harm…. But my realist side keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. As much as I trust God completely, the fear of the unknown is crippling at times and here in this moment, I find myself overwhelmed with panic.
I hesitate to share this part of me because I don’t want to discourage anyone or add to their own fears and worries. This blog is meant to uplift and encourage and support those facing this ugly disease or any struggle in life with courage and determination to choose joy above fear and doubt. But the honest truth is we all have low moments… and that’s okay. Because at our weakest, He is made strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
It’s okay to be weak. It’s okay to cry out in fear. Because in these moments, God is more real and more powerful to me than any other time. Even as I’m writing and praying, I feel the calm and peace of God washing over me. I know I’ll have more moments like these in the next two weeks and certainly in my lifetime, but I trust and believe that God will get me through anything just as He always has.
Are you panicked tonight? Is fear trying to rob your peace and sleep? Let me pray over both of us so that hopefully God will give us rest.
Father, you ask us to cry out to you in our weakness. Lord, tonight we find ourselves crippled with fear and uncertainty. Remind our hearts that you know the ending to this story and that your plan for us is perfect. God give us strength for the days to come and fill us with your beautiful hope and peace and JOY. God, give us heavenly rest tonight. Wrap us in your mighty arms and bring us comfort. In Jesus name we pray, amen.