“Get mad about it.”

This post talks about depression and suicidal thoughts. Please read with care. And remember, I have ZERO medical or therapy degrees… I’m just a girl with Chronic Illness and perimenopause who loves Jesus and is trying to work out my feelings, authentically. Please. If you are feeling low, reach out to your people. Talk to your doctors. Talk to a pastor. Don’t walk this alone.

First, let me say if you read my last post and reached out and/or prayed for me, thank you. It’s easy to share the good – the Instagram worthy photos and marathon finishes. It’s another thing to share the struggles. And I almost didn’t post that because as I told you, I like to wrap everything up neatly with a bow and give you step-by-step instructions for how to feel better if you’re having the same struggles. I didn’t have those words on that day in October… and I don’t know that I have any great wisdom to share today, but I am going to share the words that began a shift for me.

First, I have to introduce you to Nora, The Sports Fan. Spectator Nora is LOUD. Like, I have lost my voice at games or my kids performances many times. I SCREAM. And I am locked into what’s happening on the field/court or stage. My competitive nature shows and I joke that I’m not responsible for what I say in those moments… Obviously, I am :). And I do try to keep it all G Rated and positively cheer for my team and not dog on the other team. I am one of those fans who’s convinced the victory largely hinges on my cheering. If they lose momentum and I don’t help them get it back, I failed as a fan.

There’s a phrase I’m known to say when I see the momentum shifting… At a football game, it’s when you can begin to see the O-Line get exhausted… maybe they just allowed a sack and they are admitting defeat on this run. NO. I stand up as they begin to line up, and as LOUD as I can muster I scream, “GET MAD ABOUT IT! THIS IS YOUR GAME! MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN!” I promise you, their backs straighten and they lift their chins up. They fight back. They don’t accept defeat. Brian laughs because I am so convinced that my words had a positive impact.

On the morning I wrote that post on October 17th, I looked at Brian, tears pouring down my face. I was admitting defeat. I was shrouded in darkness and no light was in sight. Brian has listened to me spiral many times before… He’s walked with me through seasons of depression and anxiety. He’s prayed over me, dragged me to doctors, encouraged and cheer-leaded me… but this day, he spoke my language.

He took me by the shoulders and locked eyes with me. He said, “NORA. GET MAD ABOUT IT! This is your life! You’ve got to fight back against this darkness. IT WILL NOT WIN! YOU can and WILL FIGHT FOR JOY!”

Something shifted. I can’t explain it. I went from defeat into battle mode. This is my life. I have a husband, children and a home that are complete answers to prayer. I am working in a job that is one of the biggest answers to prayer I’ve ever prayed. My family is healthy. And there is so much joy around me and I was letting the enemy make me miss out. And why? Because I believed the lie that I was a failure. That I didn’t measure up. That I wasn’t doing a single thing right… which wasn’t true! But if I did 100 good things in a day, and had one mistake, that’s all I could focus on. The noise level in my brain was SO LOUD. I was thinking of dozens of things I needed to do at once and couldn’t seem to accomplish anything.

This past month, my prayers have looked a lot like Tom Hanks in Castaway when he stood on the beach and screamed HEEEELLLLLPPPPPPP. That was it. Or really it was just “help me, help me….” over and over.

I’ve didn’t know how to pray, so I just begged God for help. And He helped me. With each day, the noise in my brain has diminished.

The month of October was a rough one for multiple reasons–a month that I have LOVED my whole life long. 2026 has really been a rough year for me as a woman living with Multiple Sclerosis, thyroid issues and Perimenopause. My hormones have taken me on a wild ride. Starting October 3rd, I had heavy bleeding or spotting for much of the month. After speaking with my GYN, we changed some of my HRT and so far I am feeling MUCH more like myself and less like someone they would have lobotomized in the 1950s.

I’ve armed myself with scripture. Micah 7:7 popped up everywhere and I’m trying to memorize it:

“But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.”

I love that word… hope. It carries so much in its four little letters. In 2021, when my husband first watch me battle depression and suicidal thoughts, he bought me this little figurine. I loved the imagery of the little person clinging to “Hope”. That was me… holding on for dear life that things would improve with work and time.

I looked at him this week and smiled :). I’m still here. I’m still clinging to hope. I’m still battling chronic illness and raging hormones and childhood trauma… and I’m still “watching in hope for the Lord…”

And while I have been clinging to hope, I’ve thought about Brian’s words to me on that morning I was spiraling… “GET MAD ABOUT IT… THIS IS YOUR LIFE!”

In John 10:10, Jesus tells us that, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” There is an enemy, folks, who is trying to steal your JOY. He wants to destroy your hope and make you feel like there is only darkness and no light. That jerk has come at me so many times in my life. He tried to make me believe that I was worthless. That I was a failure and had no value. That I was not wanted or chosen. That I was a reject wannabe. That I could never make a difference in this world or be a help to anyone.

But that’s not what my LORD says of me. He says I am:

• Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. My God created me… He knit me together and when I was finished he said, “Oh wow… this is a good one.” (Psalm 139:14).
• Deeply and Everlastingly Loved. I’m loved forever. The end. His love is not conditional or based on my performance. It’s eternal. (Romans 8:38-39, Jeremiah 31:3).
• Chosen and Adopted. He calls me His. I am treasured. I am adored. I’m delighted in. I’m not too much or a burden or take up too much space. I’m just right. And he picks me. (Ephesians 1:5, 1 John 3:1).
• Forgiven and Redeemed. I’m covered. All the failings of my life… the damage I’ve done to myself and the damage done to me by others… I’ve been washed clean. I am His bride. And I am covered in His Grace. (Ephesians 1:7, 2 Corinthians 5:17).
• Created with Purpose. No matter how windy this road has been or how many times I’ve complained along the journey, He has a purpose for my life. And He will never stop leading me along (sometimes dragging me if needed) so that I can fulfil my purpose. (Jeremiah 29:11).

As I was reflecting and working on this post this week, I saw this on Instagram.

It felt fitting to share it here.

There’s a question Jesus asks in John 5 that I have thought about many times over the past 11 years in regard to my health and making good food choices and advocating for the right treatments for my body. Jesus meets a paralyzed man laying by the pool at Bethesda. Jesus said, “Do you want to get well?” The man replied with excuses of why he couldn’t get down into the pool (which was rumored to have healing properties) and how no one would help him. Jesus ignored the excuses and the pool altogether and said, “GET UP. Pick up your mat and walk.” And the man did exactly that.

I felt God asking me that question this past month… “Do you want to get well?” And when I said yes Him shouting, “THEN GET UP! Show up! Do the things you know will help you! PRAY. Believe! Fix your medicine. Do the work in therapy. Go for walks. Stay off socials. FOCUS ON ME. And get well!”

I talked about crying a lot in my last post… and don’t get me wrong, I still cry a lot :). This morning it’s currently 10:15 am and my cry count is at 3 – HA! But this time, my tears are of gratitude. Of seeing something beautiful. Of perspective. Of knowing God in a new way. And I’ll happily cry those kinds of tears all day long.

If you read this whole post, thank you. And thank you for being on this journey with me. I am blessed to have an army of support surrounding me and I’m so grateful.