anxiety, Faith, Family, Multiple Sclerosis, Not Today MS, panic attacks, Running, Uncategorized

I refuse.

I refuse to become a pessimist.

  • Even though I have been shocked and disappointed by people I loved and respected over the last couple of years… Even though my heart has broken over lost friendships and lost people. I refuse to change my “Pollyanna”/believe the best in people attitude just so I won’t be heartbroken or disappointed again.

I refuse to be complacent when I see/hear wrong.

  • I refuse to turn a blind eye to corruption, greed, perversion, injustice, and selfishness. I will call it out. I will not allow it in anything that I’m a leader or a part of, even if that means people say hateful things or plot schemes against me behind my back. I love sinners, but hate sin. And I will not “lighten up”, “relax”, “calm down” when it comes to these things happening under my nose. I will continue to humbly speak up, call out, and pray up all of those situations, while doing everything in my power to keep from being party to them.

I refuse to be ruled by fear.

  • For far too many years of my life, I feel like fear motivated many of my decisions and reactions. Satan knows, the way to get in my head is to make me afraid. He has sent toxic people into my life time and time again, and my mind runs wild with fears of what they can/could/will do to me. Being someone who can’t keep silent when I see injustice, corruption, wrong in the world means I have a giant target on my back to toxic people who are unjust and corrupt and greedy. The high school drama and bullying I have witnessed and endured as a grown woman is absolutely mortifying. And I am just sorry that I ever let the threats of people who are clearly very lost and hurting terrify me and motivate my actions. They need our prayers… not for people to cower to them. I have a choice in every situation and from now on I will choose JOY and CONFIDENCE when I know what I’m doing is RIGHT. And I refuse to be ruled by the fear of the unknown in regards to my health. We don’t know what tomorrow holds… and nothing Satan throws my way can separate me from the love of Christ, so I will not fear. I will fight for JOY.

I refuse to write people off because they think differently than me.

  • I think we have all been guilty of this. In this current COVID-19 climate, I am disappointed in some people that I’ve always loved and respected. I feel like people are going to one extreme or the other when the truth is somewhere in the middle. I am sad when I see other people make very harsh judgments of people who think differently than others. Especially Christians. Our first response needs to be LOVE. I will continue to love, honor and pray for our leaders, no matter how they think or believe. I will humbly speak up and protest if and when I feel that is necessary, but I will not resort to disrespect, name-calling or false information spreading.

I refuse to be sad.

  • I have felt heartbroken for quite some time. The last… ugh… few years, really… has felt like a relentless barrage of shocking discoveries, disappointments, heart-breaks, medical scares, losses and friendship struggles. I’ve prayed over and over again for God to show me the purpose in it all… why am I in this situation or that? What is it that He wants me to see, say or do? The answer I keep getting is to BE LIGHT. Be kind. Speak up when needed, but above all LOVE others and see them for who God sees them–as hurting people who need a Savior. Shew. Doesn’t that describe every single one of us? It doesn’t mean that I have to be close friends with every toxic person, but I can find a way to be upright and also be kind. Just because their sin seems worse or more damaging than mine, doesn’t change the fact that they need Jesus. They need freedom from the chains that are keeping them in bondage. And I’m praying that these people see TRUE FREEDOM very soon.

I refuse to be defined by a number on a scale.

  • Twelve months of stress plus approaching 40 and hormone fluctuation led to a 20 pound weight gain. I’ll be honest… I was devastated by this in January. I cried to my OBGYN and she reminded me that I am healthy. I run. I eat clean 95% of the time. My BP and HR are perfect. She reminded me that I cannot be ruled by a number on a scale or a the size on my tag. It’s been a pride-swallowing time. I wanted an explanation for it that would be an easy fix like my thyroid (I know that’s not an easy fix, but still! I wanted someone to give me a pill and make it all better :))… but, sometimes your metabolism just slows down. It is what it is. I will not stop running, being active, and choosing to stay away from sugar, dairy, and wheat the majority of the time. I feel amazing and I am healthy and that’s all that matters.

I am sorry if parts of this post come off as passive/aggressive. That was not the intent. I’ve been silent for a while because I’ve been processing. We all face difficult situations. I’m praying I get a little break from it all for a while (Please, God!!! Just let me have fun with my family and live in my Pollyanna bubble, please?)… but we were never promised an easy life and people are messy. I’m messy. I am prideful, bossy, judgmental and pushy and Lord help us if I get angry… shew. And there are a few special people who love me in spite of all of those things and push me to be a better Nora. This past year has made me so grateful for those relationships. I pray I am half as good a friend to them as they are to me.

So what about you… Fill in the blank: “I refuse to __________”?

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